Inquiry Over Tea And Cakes (A Denny's Court AU fic)

[ladydiskette]

 Title: Inquiry Over Tea and Cake.

Verse: Denny’s Court AU

Rating: PG - Contains some cattiness from characters, and slight language. 

Characters: Sursum Ursa, Porn Critic, Random OCs, Lilith, Linkara, Moarte, and a mention of Maven.

Summary: Ursa is tasked by High Priestess Godelieve to inquiry why Lilith is hanging around the Courthouse during Linkara’s trial. And she takes a certain comic relief warlock out to accompany her.

Notes: This story is fictional, and I don’t claim CA or their internet personas. Lilith however is a OC owned by me, and I like to thank butterflyslinky for looking through the story for me. Enjoy.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Ursa sighed in frustration, sure, she got offers for all sorts of different potions and charms to make and sell, but the one thing that always made her cringe was….

Love potions. Those damn things!

It wasn’t like the people who asked for them were evil by any chance, but when they spoke to her she knew right away their motives were either silly, or downright questionable at best. But given that it was the Valentine’s Day month, deep down, she should have prepared for this sort of occasion to happen. Especially when it came to silly people such as the teenage girl in question standing there talking to her.

“Okay, I am going to stop you right there and just say that legally speaking, I am not allowed to sell love potions or spells to underage minors, even love potions and spells with limited spell duration.” She said, as if she had read those rules a million times before.

“But it’s just one guy, and he is really cute-!”

“Need I remind you that the love spell in ‘The Craft’ is arguably the most cautionary tale of abusing love magic ever to be recorded,” Ursa replied, “as such, what you are suggesting is more of a mind control love spell than a rather ‘attribute notice’ spell, and you said he already has a girlfriend?”

“Well yeah, but she is rather a bitch, and I know he can’t stand her, I mean she is vain and superficial, so I know he would totally be happy ending up with me and not her- “

“Then I would suggest that you cut your losses and let him figure it out for himself, if their relationship is not as strong enough for him to want to spend the rest of his life with her, then he will deal with it himself, not use magic to decide it for him.” Ursa said.

“Fine.” The teenage girl sighed sadly.

“Sorry, love potions are a huge liability, I am required by the rules to inform you of the dangers that could occur if you use love spells and potions irresponsibly.” She put the spell page and the potion away. “Is there anything else you want?”

“Well, there is a test coming up, you have anything for that?”

“Well, I have some oils that would increase your focus and memory when studying, I will wrap those up for you.” Ursa replied pulling out two jars of oils and wrapping them up before putting them in a gift bag.

She packed up the purchase, took the money, and the teen girl made her way out. Any other seller of spells would have been nervous, but luckily, the teenage girl had a family related to a bunch of Fae, so at least her secret job was kept safe. Still, they should have already told her the dangers of love potions, I guess mortal parents weren’t the only ones that displayed irresponsibility from time to time, she thought.

A few hours passed, she sold a deworming ointment to a werewolf, two charms to ward off evil in the form of a cute decorative toy to hang over a baby’s crib for a brand-new pair of witch parents, and a potion for silver burns to a vampire. The time on her cellphone told her that it was time to close finally, she grabs a cup of coffee to go and heads home.

 

~*~   ~*~ *~*~ *~*~  *~*~

 

At the apartment, she sits at her computer researching alchemy for new and different elixir recipes, when she notices a pop-up message down at the corner stating she has gotten email from High Priestess Godelieve. She clicks on it and opens it up.

“Hello Ursa, we have gotten word that Lilith is within the vicinity, usually she wouldn’t spend as much time up on Earth than as necessary, but lately she has been lingering around The Manor and The Mortals’ Public Court House much more than usual. I need you to look into it, and see if its anything to be reported back (which I no doubt there is) I would highly suggest bringing a partner with you, as Lilith is diabolical, and the most powerful of demons within the Dark Lord’s hierarchy to confront one on one, even discreetly. Report back ASAP and please be careful.

Signed High Priestess Godelieve.”

A partner? Well, the high priestess did have a point, but the only partner available she could think of was Rap Critic and Nella, and they were busy with their own case involving demons at the moment. Who else could she think of now to assist her with this case?

“HONEY! I AM HOME!” came a loud jovial British voice saying it jokingly.

She sighed. No, no don’t even think it Ursa. This was freaking Porn Critic we are talking about here, there is a reason they don’t let him go on any missions, particularly demon missions involving Lilith of all people!

But High Priestess Godelieve stressed not to confront Lilith alone. However, she shakes her head, she won’t even tell him.

Though, I did promise him that if he took his spell studying seriously, we would do a case together. And, he may act like a clown, but he did know powerful magic and could execute it well if he put his mind to it, she thought, but on the one hand, who knows how he could stack up against the Succubus Queen like Lilith?

She gets up and goes into the living room where he already put down a box of hot fresh pizza he had picked up at the nearby pizza place.

“Oh, you ordered in, nice.” She said, a bit happy to see food there on the table.

“Yeah, I had to go to this boring magic meeting and I figured you were working as usual, so I thought I would pick up something on the way home. You like it?” Porn Critic asked.

“I am not picky about toppings.” She said, taking a plate and a slice.

The pizza was delicious, half and half: pepperoni and sausage with mushrooms. The latter being her favorite. They pulled some Kool-Aid from the fridge and sat down to eat.

“Say, Porn Critic.” She said slowly, “Um, if you are not busy, could you mind watching my cat while I am gone, I will be busy after work with some…. special mission The High Priestess has for me- “

“Secret mission!?!?” His eyes brightened. “A top-secret mission?”

“Just, a special mission.” Ursa stressed. “I have to question someone within the area and it might take a lot of tracking and recognizance all night long, and I need someone to feed her.”

He wipes off some of the pizza sauce off his face with a napkin. “Who is it?”

“Someone the coven is interested in…”

“One of the demons?” he interrupted.
“I… Y-Yes, one of the demons” explained Ursa. “She wants me to interrogate a certain High-Class demon whose been poking her nose into human affairs, and is up on earth way longer than she should be. Godelieve thinks she is up to something.”

“Is it Lilith?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

“I put two and two together, Lilith is the only interesting demon from Hell Realm that is the highest-class of demon you can find who isn’t above The Dark Lord, and you are going to go alone?!?!?”

“Relax, I am going to email Godelieve back after I am done eating to see if she has anyone available to accompany me.”

“Well….” He sits there thoughtfully as he eats his pizza. “well, what about me?”

 “You….I... Richard, that is nice of you to offer but….I don’t know…. I mean… its Lilith we are talking about here.”

“I know….and that is the problem.”

“Richard, its Lilith, I don’t think taking you with me would be a good idea.”

“What do you mean-oh, right.”
 “Exactly.”

“Come on, you promised, and besides, I have really been working on my spells.”

“How well?”
“I gotten my combustive fire spells down pat, if you need someone fried, I am your man!” he beamed proudly.

“I want to set this up in a more diplomatic nature, not resort to battles. Maybe you should sit this one out. Besides, My kitty Tamar needs a baby sitter.”

“But-!”
“I promise, if I need a partner for a demon apprehension, I will call you Porn Critic.” She picks up her plate and puts it in the sink.

 

~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~

The clock on her car radio flashed a green digital 9:45 pm. As Ursa sat in her car, watching the large hotel that according to sources was where Lilith and her handmaidens were staying while up on earth. After questioning the staff, they had told her a wealthy business woman and her assistants were staying there for a while, though she never liked to discuss the nature of her business with the employees. The witch investigator watched Lilith come in and out of that building, subtly following her around, until she made another stakeout at the City Courthouse. Where Linkara’s trial was still going on.

She had doubts about Linkara’s guilt. But High Priestess Godelieve felt this was a good way to test the waters again, and try to prove that The Coven could hold their own investigations without the reliance of the Vampire Lord. Perhaps It was for the best, for there was some talk among the witches and warlocks that Spoony had overstepped bounds when it came to controlling magic, and that it should fall into the trusted accountability of the Coven again.

The Priestess also had concerns that if Lilith was part of the audience within the trial. Then there might be possible that Sage could have a footing, or try to at least. Seeing how the alleged murder victim was a priest after all. If he had a hand in anything, it could be cause for alarm.

It makes sense, doesn’t it? But then, what gain would Sage have to make the humans turn against the Masquerade, if that was the case perhaps?

She stared at the hotel…having doubts in her mind, no one was available (or too scared) to accompany her. And she left Porn Critic to babysit her cat back home. She knew it was stupid, but maybe since it was a crowded area, she wouldn’t feel like she had the need to use force. She could just…. talk to her.

 “Yeah, like I am sure she would love to have me over for tea and crumpets,” she mumbled sarcastically to herself, “Who am I kidding, make some joke about my choice in wardrobe and ask me where is Nancy Drew while calling me George.….”

“…….you seem more like a Bess than a George though-oops!” Suddenly came a voice behind her.

Quickly, she looks over her shoulder, her hands glowing blue confronting whoever was in the backseat of her car, she hears the backseat move as she glimpses a man locking eyes with her, placing his hands up defensively. It was Porn Critic hiding in the backseat! She grabs him by the collar of his jacket and pulls him up onto the seat of the car.

“What are you doing here?” She asks him venomously, “I told you it’s dangerous for you to take this mission with me, and you were supposed to look after Tamar!”

“The kitty is fine, I left out some food for him.”

“It’s a her….”

“Oh. Anyway, it’s dangerous for you to engage with Lilith alone, I am not stupid.” He said back. “Besides, I can sweet talk her into telling you anything!”

“This is Lilith we are talking about here.” Ursa explained, “One of the High Ladies of The Dark Lord’s Realm, plus, your sweet talking would do no effect and would probably end up punishing you for being condescending to her. Or she would turn the tables on you and you end up as her-Ugh! Forget it, you are not coming!”

“But you need a partner, and I want to help, I promised you, I have practiced my more useful powers since then, and besides, you are not going to battle her, are you?” he asked worriedly, “Because from what I have been told about Lilith, she will wipe the floor with your ass and use it as a decorative mop when it comes to Demonic Battles.”

“No. Not really…” She said, suppressing a shudder at the thought of Lilith ripping her apart.

“See, you need me to make sure that someone can get help in case she tries anything on you!”
“She wouldn’t not unless she wants the…….” Ursa trails off into thought.

Well, The Coven would strike back, but the Vampire Lord, no, he would probably let them stew in the mess they made at this moment, and he had enough on his plate as it is.

“Please?”

“All right, the witches and warlocks I should have gotten ahold of are on different cases anyway, so I guess it’s just you and me.”

He makes a happy squeezing sound and hugs Ursa, but she pushes him back.

“BUT! You do exactly what I say, and don’t do anything that will piss her off, got it?”

“Of course.”

With that they continued their stakeout on Lilith’s Hotel.

 

~*~*~*~*~*

They entered the Hotel Café, it was much bigger than Nostalgia Chick’s place, even if it was part of the Hotel Lounge. A fancy five-star restaurant that honestly, it wouldn’t be put past Ursa to find her in a place like this. And speak of the devil, there sat Lilith and three of her handmaidens, in stylish, civilian clothes with their tails and wings tucked in, to give off the illusion of being human women from the ritzier side of town.

“Okay Porn Critic, we act calm, sensible and above all- “She grabs him by the collar before he goes over there. “-with tact and professionalism, got it?”

“Sure thing.”

“I will do the talking.” She walks over to their table as they are having a lunch of tea and open face sandwiches and fancy cakes.

Lilith looks up, taking her cup of strawberry tea and drinking it. Ursa wasn’t even sure it was Strawberry Tea, but with demons you couldn’t be sure of anything regarding what they passed off as eating or drinking, even in public. The three women sitting at the table with Lilith were wearing fashionable summer clothes that Ursa didn’t much think about wearing herself, but naturally, they just looked oh so perfect on them. They looked human, one being blond, another a red-head, and one who looked as if she died her hair purple with light purple highlights, all four of them were eating and chatting when they stopped and looked up at her, the blond one’s eyes she saw darted to her and then straight to her friend.

Hopefully I can keep him as far away as them as possible. She thought.

 

“Greetings, Richard,” said Lilith. “You seem to be doing well, how are your Sex Magic summoning rituals coming along?”

“Oh fine, but it’s been slowed for a past couple of weeks.” He responded, without batting an eye.

“Oh, perhaps I should send one of my lovely handmaidens along to ‘entertain’ your group,” Lilith smirked. “Provided that your lovely friend here doesn’t mind of course.”

“Lilith, I would advise you that we are within proximation of human civilians here.” Ursa said. “And therefore, I would recommend you watch your words carefully. Or I could turn you in for breaking Masquerade rules.”

“Relax Ursa, I put an Aural Glamor spell over this place, so no one can hear what we have to say and words from our mouths will be masked ‘doublespeak’ the humans will overhear our voice but think we are talking about the weather, or entertainment, or local human politics even. No magical politics.” The Succubus Queen explained.

“That is…good.” She tensed up. “But how do you know my name?”

“Sursum Ursa, Jill…dear. I am Lilith, one of the high demons remember? I know the names of all my Mortal Daughters upon this earth. Don’t you think that a powerful creature like me wouldn’t know the name of some random stranger who sought me out?” She inquired. “Why, that is just being smart you know. Just as the angels know your names, so do the demons. It’s all about knowing the merchandise, as they say.”

“’Knowing the merchandise’? Okay, forget it!” Ursa leans down and plants her hands firmly on the table. “Your vague, riddles, and purple pretentious proses may work for some people-but not me! We are here on official Coven business, and as such, we have a couple of questions to ask you!”

“Keep your voice down, you are in a classy establishment.” Warned Lilith, the glare in her eyes planted firmly on the witch. “And besides, you don’t want to raise your voice at The Lady of The Demons.”

“You may be a demon, but you are no lady.” Ursa retorted.

“And how are you to decide that I am a ‘Lady’ little girl?” Lilith sneered. “And is this randy little horndog your special helper, or did he come along for extra credit in his Hogwarts curricular?”

The girls laughed quietly, while Lilith grinned. Particularly at seeing Porn Critic flustered.

 “Don’t listen to them, Cattiness usually comes from a place of insecurity.”  She told him.

“I am okay, I can handle them.” He whispered to her. Then he says out loud, “I suggest you show some respect to my friend. She was sent here by our High Priestess to make sure you stay out of trouble.”

‘Oh, and what trouble does she assume I am getting up to?” Lilith asked.

“Well for one, sources tell us that were you were spotted within the courtroom of Linkara’s trial, what plans is The Dark Lord scheming up regarding Linkara?” demanded Sursum Ursa.

“Darling, do you think everything is about him, oh sure, he has his world-changing trial, but that is small beans compared to the grand design I have cooked up for this earth.” She answered, taking another sip of her tea daintily. Putting on a show of air to the witch and warlock.

“And what would they be?”

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.” Lilith said. “All I know is that you guys play your part, while I focus on playing mine. This is way bigger than you would imagine and honestly, you have no real stakes in it, so I would probably not be concerned about it if I were you.”

“If it effects the Coven you know by George, we will deal with you guys, like we have before.” Said Porn Critic.

“Brave words, but you are no fighter when it comes to my kind.” She snuffed.

“You are lucky we are in a crowded area.” Grumbled the warlock under his breath.
 Sursa Ursum puts a hand on his shoulder.

“So.” She said, “you claim that you are not involved with Linkara, but then why are you watching his trial like a hawk?”

“And how would you know that?”

“We have sources indicating that for the past couple of weeks, you’ve been sitting in on Linkara’s trial, even in the same spot away from the door, and windows.” Ursa said matter-of-factly. “As well as a eye-witness who wishes to remain anonymous that they’ve spied you there in person.”

“Oh well, that settles it then.” Lilith grinned. “And is that a crime to go and show my support to the doomed Champion of the Supernatural in his darkest of times?”

“A fat lot you care about Linkara!” Porn Critic said. “Demons like you don’t care about anyone but yourselves, for all we know you could be causing trouble for The Dark Lord.”

“Of course, I shouldn’t be surprised that your high priestess would accuse me of anything other than ulterior motives, but they have nothing to do with him, I assure you.” Lilith assured. “Nor are they for good or evil, but of a necessity to making sure your worthless lives still keep on in existence.”

“Then tell us what is going on then.” Demanded Sursum Ursa.

Lilith takes a calming sip of her tea, and then wipes her mouth with her napkin before speaking.

“Ursa, do you think that he is the only one in that court-house all alone?”

“Rachel…? Moarte? The Day Court?”

“Getting there. But I have probably told you far too much already.”

 “You haven’t told us jack shit!” exclaimed Richard.

 “Oh good, then I am not spoiling it.” She and her crew start to get up. “Ursa dear, I know that High Priestess Godelieve is trying to prove to herself that she can function just fine without The Vampire Lord’s assistance right now, but seeing how I am not breaking any laws, maybe its best you concentrate your energy on something else. Minding your own business and maybe having some fun once in a while, if you like, I can hook you up with some nice incubi or handsome demons from the Circle of Pride that would be right up your alley.”

The other handmaidens giggle behind her.

“I can get my own dates, but thank you for the offer.” She said.
“Well, I am sure you can, but my quality selections would be much better than the rabble you attract.”

“Why you-!” Porn Critic steps forward threateningly, his eyes narrowed into a scowling face, he stands in front of Ursa and clenches his fist.

Ursa tenses up, dammit! Not here! Suddenly, a female server comes over holding a piece of paper. She sees them and goes over. A tone that Ursa recognizes while being out in public reaches her ears, she hoped this wouldn’t escalate further.

“Is there a problem, miss?” The server asks. From the tone her voice and her stance, Ursa recognized it as the tell-tale sign of another woman stepping in upon seeing any man make an attempt to intimidate her or cause trouble. Something she has used before while at The Palace or The Shadow with the other witches, but this time it really was attracting attention they didn’t need right now. She turns to the waitress.

“Sorry about that…bitter exes, you know how that is. I was taking my…. boyfriend to lunch and we didn’t realize that she would be there. I will take care of him. Come on- “she grits through her teeth “-honey!”

Porn Critic looks up with a perplexed look on his face, until he locks eyes with the waitress scanning him, and looks over at Ursa. He realized that saying more would blow their cover, and goes over quickly to Ursa. She grabs him by the arm and gives him a domineering stare.

“Um, yes. Here is your receipt Miss.” The waitress said as she approached Lilith and her handmaidens.

“Oh thank you dear.” She smiled. “Yes, do excuse my…. ex-boyfriend, apparently he is still bitter over the fact that I dumped him for someone better after all these years.”

“You know what, save it, it’s none of my business.” The Waitress sighed and walked off to attend to the other café customers.

Ursa sighed with relief, crisis averted.

Lilith turned towards Ursa. Her yellow eyes flashing dangerously.

“I assure you, if you think that The Dark Lord Sage is planning something against Linkara, you are wrong, he has nothing to do with it, and would rather let you stupid mortals suffer to your own devices believe it, or not. We are done here. I have nothing to say to you, and I will keep an eye on the situation, since this is something beyond all of us, but Linkara is not the focal point, he is just a ‘ally’ caught in the wrong place, at the wrong time.”

“Very well, we will keep that in mind,” Ursa sighed, “come on Richard, let’s go.”

“But Ursa-!”

“We don’t want to make any more of a scene. Come on.” She starts to turn and talk out of the café.

“Fine.” Richard says, watching her leave, he takes another glare at Lilith, almost definingly. Before she could say anything, he grabs a cake from their plate and runs off.

 

~*~    ~*~           ~*~             ~*~

 

He finds her waiting in the car, getting in on the passenger side.

“I got cake!” He proudly exclaimed holding it up, as if he was Ancient Mighty Hunter proclaiming his catch to the tribe.

Ursa couldn’t help but giggle. “Thanks, well that showed them I guess.”

“Yep” It’s a big slice of cake, they break it apart and share it among themselves. “I am sorry for screwing up back there. She got under my skin, and I know…I shouldn’t have let her do that but- “

“It’s okay, we are human, and I should’ve seen that coming, I guess I should have expected that, there was no way she was going to willingly open up to us anyway. I thought maybe going the diplomatic approach would help, but she was just as closed-up than before.”

“So, was it a bust?” He asked eating his cake.

 “Well, yes and no, I mean. We know she is not planning anything to do with Linkara.” Ursa replied. “So, at least we know he is safe from The Dark Lord, but we still have no idea what Lilith is doing.”

As they eat their cake in silence, Porn Critic looks over at his friend.
“You called me honey?”
“Yes, because I had to think of a way to get that waitress from not calling the police on us….so I gave you the bitter ex story.” She smirked finishing her cake.

“I am flattered you think I could be someone’s boyfriend.”

“Well, you got the third date portion of bringing them home for the night down pat, now you just need to master sitting down at a fancy restaurant wearing a suit and tie while having delightful dinner conversations.”

“A suit and tie?” grimaced Porn Critic. “No thanks, I think I would rather take my chances playing ‘Twister’ with a porcupine.”

“Hey, it was worth a shot.” She shrugged.

“Ursa, what do you think she meant when she said that it was bigger than Linkara’s trial?” The Warlock asked worriedly.

“I don’t know Porn Critic, I don’t know….”

 

                                                               ~*~            ~*~             ~*~

 The City Maximum Security Prison.

Linkara loved it when his lawyer would visit, sure, for the obvious reasons, even if he talked bleak about their chances, but it gave him a moment to break away from the other prisoners that made every minute he stayed here a living hell.

He should have expected it, but he wasn’t sure to what extent when was issued in here. Most of the prisoners he found out, loved and respected Father Suede. A man who saw them as more than sub-human, who tried to reason with their monstrosity with compassion and empathy. It was no secret around the prison when news broke why he was there, and they more than certainly wanted to give him a warm “Welcome” even if he was the husband of a powerful crime lord.

He sat down and picked up the phone in the visiting room.

“So,” Moarte asked, “How are you doing Linkara?”

“I survived most of today, so that is a plus.” He sighed.

“Any of the residents here giving you trouble?”

“Well, lets put it this way, I am not making any friends here, but they are not giving me a tough time. No one asks me to join them at their table at the cafeteria, and I shower alone whenever I have the chance.” Linkara answered.

“What about the guards?” Moarte asked.

“They don’t bother me, but it looks like I shouldn’t count on them to help me in a brawl with a guy or two if they want to start something with me.”

“If anything happens, they can’t willfully turn the other way if you are getting your ass beaten, it would be a liability and I could definitely call attention to it in my own way for negligence.” Moarte answered. “Especially when I am proving that you are not guilty, and are unfairly incarcerated.”

“I don’t see anyone in the city rallying together outside holding up signs that say: ‘#FreeLinkara’ anytime soon, and I don’t know what is going on with the supernatural world. How is everyone holding up?”

“Well, things aren’t getting any better. There is almost a civil war about to break out, and Rachel is trying to hold it all together. Once we prove you are innocent, things will go back to normal. Don’t worry, next day, I am prepping Elisa for the witness stand.”

“Elisa?”

“Yeah, she was the first one present at the sight of Father Suede’s death. She will tell the jury exactly what went down.”

“Can she-? I mean, with her….” He hesitates. “Can she be able to stand trial?”

“Don’t worry, I have worked with witnesses like her all the time, I have complete faith in her. And so should you.”

“I trust you Moarte,” Linkara replied. “And I trust Elisa, do whatever you can to prove my innocence.”